Dr. Crowell's lecture on developing a personal educational philosophy challenged us to live within the question, grappling with it, never answering it completely. He reminded us that we remember the teachers more than the subjects: how they treated us; what was said individually; what type of person they were etc. I would have to agree with him. There are two teachers that stick out in my mind from my elementary years that are a stark contrast to one another. My third grade teacher I remember as a yeller. She was a desk dumper too. I was scared of her. I was scared to the point where I didn't want to ask her to use the washroom for fear of getting yelled at. Though she may have accomplished her goal of having a compliant student in me, I was quiet to begin with. I think she would have been a more effective teacher for me to work towards building a safe classroom environment that would have brought me out of my shell a little bit more. My fourth grade teacher was a very kind, gentle man who was very encouraging to us all. He told bad jokes. He was interested in hearing what was going on in our lives outside of school and celebrated our successes. I remember at my second report card I went from a C+ in math to an A and I thanked him for it. He said not to thank him, he didn't give it to me, I earned it. That really stuck with me. When I think about my own classrooms now as a teacher, I do my best to ensure that my classroom environment is more like my own fourth grade class. I want my students to feel a sense of belonging. I want it to be a place where they can feel safe to learn. One of the comments I received a number of times this year is how calm my classroom is. The students are engaged in learning. Even when there is disruption, they respond well to it, wanting to protect the atmosphere that we have created together.
I really liked Dr. Crowell's use of the word "grappling" in terms of discovering our educational philosophy. Grappling reminds me of mountain climbing, the grappling hook securing onto a foothold as we work our way up through a challenging terrain. Teaching is like that. We have moments where it is very steep going and challenging. We face students with all sorts of backgrounds and behaviours. We have administrative expectations of surveys and paperwork to deal with. There are moments that I have found the challenge to be too much and thought about leaving the profession completely. I remember when I was teaching at an inner city school over 10 years ago; I almost quit. My class was very difficult and they didn't know any other way of life. They were bullied, so they bullied. They threw desks and chairs and climbed the walls. Their parents thought nothing of coming down to the school and yelling at you. And just at the moment when I thought that I couldn't complete the term I had a co-worker come to me with words of encouragement. She wanted to point out the successes I had had with the class. There was a girl with selective mutism that was talking to me, the first adult outside of her family ever that she would speak to. I had a mother write me a note to say how much her daughter loved coming to school this year. And I noticed a boy in my class who didn't love anything about school at all was attentively listening to me read 'James and the Giant Peach'. This is what success in teaching sometimes looks like. We don't necessarily reach a large summit. We find a moment to hold on to. 11 years later that class still resonates with me. I still think of them when I contemplate who I am as I teacher. Did I do my best for those kids? What lessons did I learn from those kids that still impact me today as an educator? These are questions that I still grapple with from year to year as I encounter new situations in teaching. We need to be constantly changing and growing as educators to be the best teacher that we can for these kids.
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